I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
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He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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