I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
COCAINE IS GR8
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
