its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
