I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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