I feel like abortions should bother me more
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Randomize
