Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
