38 yer olds are good kisserssss
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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