are you still at the devil's house?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
