i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
