Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
