all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
