who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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