Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
