Do vagina's smell?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
