I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
