my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
