fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
