he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
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I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
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I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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