How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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