We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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