spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Fuck appropriateness.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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