did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think your dad took our porno
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize