she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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