I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
