epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
