Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
