If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
