eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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