How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
