Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
