i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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