Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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