is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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