I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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