she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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