guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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