I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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