i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
