he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
