I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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