I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
