the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
