I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
