Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
