I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
