Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Oh god it's open bar.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
