I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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