so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
