Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
