it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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