I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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