she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
