my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
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the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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