I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
