Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
