I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
