very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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