Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
