idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
