I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
