Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize