Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
