wat bout pragnant strippers??
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
