Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
