Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
