the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
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You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We don't watch enough power rangers
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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